I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
