So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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