My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
