i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
