I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
