my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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