If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
