his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
