dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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