He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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