I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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