my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
