just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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