if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
