My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want to make out with him forever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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