Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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