The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
