I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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