Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
