moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
