Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...