dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup