Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement