oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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