Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up

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  (416): Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up http://tfl.nu/zoaj
  Replies (26) Good night (1079) Bad night (2897)
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position

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  (925): I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position http://tfl.nu/2xnt
  Replies (15) Good night (1148) Bad night (4428)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?

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  (440): Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me? http://tfl.nu/fofz
  Replies (7) Good night (754) Bad night (4246)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

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  (781): I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave http://tfl.nu/vjg2
  Replies (33) Good night (10161) Bad night (1017)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

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  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (48) Good night (8810) Bad night (1267)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.

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  (678): Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody. http://tfl.nu/1fu4
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (2111)
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  (310): View more from California

  Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.

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  (310): Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show. http://tfl.nu/bzbb
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (792)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.

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  (508): $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me. http://tfl.nu/si9y
  Replies (16) Good night (2521) Bad night (554)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.

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  (970): I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed. http://tfl.nu/hmgx
  Replies (10) Good night (547) Bad night (1502)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.

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  (623): I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about. http://tfl.nu/u0ol
  Replies (1) Good night (867) Bad night (905)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  You're so romantic.

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  (406): I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you. (1-406): You're so romantic. http://tfl.nu/mrz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1084) Bad night (376)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.

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  (231): My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting. http://tfl.nu/ksju
  Replies (3) Good night (537) Bad night (291)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.

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  (717): On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities. (240): Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing. http://tfl.nu/nf7v
  Replies (0) Good night (473) Bad night (256)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?

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  (803): Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right? http://tfl.nu/7twp
  Replies (7) Good night (213) Bad night (891)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.

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  (913): Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet. http://tfl.nu/v65u
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (299)

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