You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
