My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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