hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
