turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
