Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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