You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Randomize
