hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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