I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
