she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
