I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
