well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The air was thick with penises
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
pray to the hookup gods
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
