Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
