nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
