Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
