he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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