Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize