How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
