Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
