You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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