"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
