So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
