You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
