I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
