Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷