Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

Fav 11 843 3008
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

(651): View more from Minnesota

again?

Fav 11 1338 5149
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?

Fav 3 3564 1057
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts

Fav 34 1130 4274
share tweet
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?

Fav 10 1915 6642
share tweet
(270): View more from Kentucky

they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

Fav 8 4626 1239
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(803): View more from South Carolina

I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.

Fav 5 849 1976
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(217): View more from Illinois

Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?

(309): View more from Illinois

probably

Fav 2 602 437
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(716): View more from New York

Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.

Fav 1 151 54
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT