I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho