Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.