Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
