I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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