He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
