Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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