I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
