Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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