I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize