OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
