I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
