oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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