I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
