So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
