obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
BRING THE BAGELS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
