VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
