____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
