If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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