turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
