I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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