i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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