tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
