It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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