The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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