I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
