Porn is love you can see.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
