Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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