I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
